


I Call It Love

by coshie



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Dominant Asra, Established Relationship, Female Apprentice (The Arcana), First Meetings, First Time, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, I mean, M/M, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Pre-Canon, Tarot, Topping from the Bottom, ash is only ever mentioned tho, fluff and everything tbh, he's more dominant than julian anyway, if you can call this unbalanced mess a relationship, tarot reading
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-01-07 02:10:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18401024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coshie/pseuds/coshie
Summary: Julian wonders if Asra is perfect.Asra wonders if Julian could be any more frustratingly, mind-bendingly, annoyingly, disarminglyendearing.Love comes in many forms.  This… might maybe possibly be one of them.Wherein Asra and Julian have some fun, question their relationship, have a deep talk, internalize, doubt, worry, internalize again, and eventually ignore it all to go back to having fun.





	1. two weeks

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to write a very dom!Asra/sub!Julian oneshot, but then feels got in the way, and then there were over 5k words, and then there were multiple chapters, so I guess it’s just like an actual romance thing now  
> ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿
> 
>  
> 
> __  
> ~~sorry~~  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Julian deals with having caught the feels, and can’t actually tell if Asra has too.

_“If you’re going to keep breaking in, then just keep this spare key.”_

Julian stood at the back door to Asra’s shop, fingering the key in his hand lightly, as though it might be some ancient treasure that would crumble to dust if handled too roughly. It had been two weeks since the last time he stood here, the longest absence that he had imposed on himself since the first time Asra had found him in the backroom. If he was honest with himself, he would have liked to be here every night. But he knew a few things about boundaries, about too much of a good thing, so had forced himself to spend a night or two by himself between visits. He could spend ages with Asra, but seriously doubted the feeling was mutual.

The first night, when Asra had found him rifling through books convinced that he could find a specific tome that Asra claimed not to own, the magician had been all smirks and tease, and had turned the doctor into putty between nimble fingers.

 _“_ _Why would I lie about a book, Ilya?” A light laugh, a step closer, a hint of something dark in bright eyes. “This is a flimsy excuse to see me, don’t you think? What really brought you here?”_

The tome in question was now sitting on Julian’s desk, as it had been since Asra had pressed it into his hands with a smirk before closing the door between them at the end of the night. Asra was the best kind of maddening.

But he was still undeniably _maddening_ , no matter how endearing it might be. Julian already knew this, of course. Of course. Spend more than a few casual minutes with the magician, and one could quickly realize that the soft eyes and quiet smile were nothing but a flimsy, paper-thin barrier that kept concealed a cold nonchalance and deliciously biting sarcasm; Asra wielded these weapons more fearsomely than any spell or blade, and could fell even the most strong-willed with a single remark.

This was not to say that Asra was cruel by any means; Julian had seen firsthand the gentle curiosity and genuine care that Asra exhibited towards his apprentice Ash and Countess Nadia, the only two people that held unquestionable claim to the title of Someone Asra Cares About. But every time violet eyes fell upon his, Julian would recognize the return of aloof detachment. And yet…

_“Ilya.” Lithe fingers dancing down his chest. “Tell me what you want.”_

_“I-I--- oh, oh Asra, I---”_

_A smirk, a press of fingers just above his hip bone. “I can’t give you anything if you don’t tell me what you want.”_

_“I want--- I want you, Asra, you, please---”_

Casual indifference might be the primary emotion Asra seemed to exhibit towards him, but even Julian - worst case scenario, pessimism abound, constantly insecure Julian - could see that Asra felt… _something_. If not about him specifically, then at the very least about _them_ , whatever they were when they were together.

_“You were just here last night.”_

_“I… I can go?”_

_“I didn’t say that, Ilya. Close the door; you’re letting the heat out.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“Of course I’m sure; I really don’t want to have to relight the fire.”_

_“I meant---”_

_“_ _I know what you meant. Close the door.”_

Julian sighed, and closed his fingers around the key. There was something about Asra that Julian just couldn’t stay away from. And yet Asra didn’t seem to care one way or the other. Two weeks, and Asra hadn’t even so much as sent a letter. So why was he here?

“Ilya.”

Julian jumped and the key fell from his hand, clattering on the ground. He turned to see Asra approaching him, tugging his scarf down so that there could be no doubt that the teasing smirk hinted at in his eyes was in fact mirrored in the soft curve of his lips.

“O-oh,” Julian said. He had no follow-up.

“I gave you a key so that you could _go inside_ ,” Asra said pointedly, bending to pick the key up. “It’s cold out here. You weren’t just waiting for me to get back, were you?”

“I,” Julian started, but stuttered to a halt when Asra took a step closer. “I-I didn’t know,” he tried again, “that you were, were out.”

“So why were you waiting here?” Asra asked, taking one of Julian’s hands to press the key into it. Julian only realized how cold his hands were because Asra's were so warm. A comfort that made his stomach somersault.

_Radiant-warm skin like the sun under shaking fingers, a laugh so light it might be confused with an exhale, wet kisses under his jaw, the familiar body pressed into him, moans echoed from one throat to another as ecstasy engulfed them._

Julian had no answer, so he just shrugged, moving to put the key back in his pocket. But Asra didn’t let go of his hand. “I haven’t seen you in a few days,” he said, running his thumb over Julian’s knuckles, looking down at their hands.

“It's been a little longer than that,” Julian pointed out.

Asra only let his lips tick upwards just so. “Been busy?”

“Y-yeah,” Julian mumbled. It was a better excuse than the reality; and he was sure Asra was not interested in the reality. “Er, just figured, y’know, it’s been a while, so.” A smirk to show confidence that was decidedly absent. “Wasn’t sure how to greet you after so long,” he said, drumming up a hint of bravado.

Asra let a breath of laughter pass his lips, and looked back up at him. “I have a few ideas.” He plucked the key from Julian's fingers and tucked it into one of the pockets of the doctor's coat before moving Julian’s hand to his waist and pulling closer. “How’s your day been, Ilya?”

Julian wrapped his hand around to Asra’s back, enjoying the familiar warmth and shape of _Asra_ pressed into him. “Small talk? That’s how I should greet you?” he asked with another smirk, easier now that they could taunt each other.

“Unless _you_ have a better idea,” Asra challenged, tilting his chin in invitation.

“Never been much good with small talk,” Julian admitted, glancing away to avoid the temptation that was an expectant set of soft lips. Soon. But he wanted to at least try to keep his head for a few minutes. “Always been better with the big questions. What do you think is the meaning of life?”

“Ilya,” Asra said with a snort of laughter, and Julian couldn’t help but smile; he adored the way his name sounded on Asra’s tongue. “If you don’t kiss me, I’m not letting you inside.”

“Oh but Asra,” Julian challenged, looking back into Asra’s face, “you have forgotten that I now have a _key_.”

“ _Ilya_ ,” he said again, his voice colored with something that Julian was willing to delude himself into believing was affection. Asra pushed Julian back against the door with a firm hand on his chest. Nevermind the few inches Julian could claim on Asra, there had never been a question of which of them had _control_. “It will be in your best interest to kiss me now.”

That’s what he had been waiting for: use of _force_. They both knew he couldn’t resist it. Julian didn’t hesitate, and Asra met him halfway. A moan rose in Julian’s chest when Asra’s tongue met his, and he couldn’t keep it suppressed when the hand on his chest moved up to his neck, then his jaw, and then Asra was pulling away, holding Julian back from chasing another kiss. “Good,” he hummed, tilting Julian’s head to the side in appraisal. “It hasn’t been so long that you’ve forgotten obedience.”

“Never for you,” Julian breathed, cheeks warm despite the chill of the night air.

Asra had used Julian’s distraction to unlock the door behind him, and he pushed it open; Julian would have fallen back through the doorway if Asra wasn’t keeping him upright. The air inside the shop was significantly warmer than the cool night, and the familiar fragrance of the perfume of herbs and incense that proliferated throughout the shop was rather comforting, Julian thought blearily as Asra pushed him inside. Even though both of Julian’s hands were on Asra’s hips, a firm singular grip on Julian’s jaw was all Asra needed to maintain the upper hand.

Inside with the door closed behind them, Asra gave Julian a little shove, and the doctor stumbled back against a table. He supported himself with one arm, using his other hand to unbutton his coat.

“Why are you here tonight?” Asra asked, tone crisp and light, as he unwound his scarf from his shoulders.

“To see you,” Julian said, the honesty of it sharp on his tongue. “I… I missed you.”

“And?” Asra prompted coolly, though was no longer looking at Julian, instead carefully hanging up his scarf and shrugging off his cloak before leaning down to take off his boots.

“Asra---” Julian started, taking a small step away from the table and towards the magician. He wanted to skip this part and get right to the part where they would take their clothes off; but Asra stopped and shot him the smallest of pointed looks over his shoulder. So Julian, with a smile he wasn’t quite expecting, tried again. “To _see_ you,” he repeated, “to taste you, to feel you, to-to do anything you ask of me. Anything.”

_“Anything?”_

_“Anything you'd want of me.”_

_“This is quite the offer, Ilya. Are you so sure you want to be giving yourself so easily?” “_

_To you? Without hesitation.”_

“Hmm,” Asra hummed, as though considering the answer. He finished hanging up his travel-wear and setting his boots by the door, and started back towards Julian, footsteps light on the wood floor. “Is that an acceptable answer after two weeks of silence, Ilya?”

“Wh-what?” Julian stuttered. That had always been the answer, and had never been questioned before. Yes, so it _had_ been two weeks of silence, but why would Asra care about the time that separated them? Asra - cool, indifferent, distant Asra - never cared when Julian did or didn't show up, and had certainly never attempted to visit Julian himself. Why would _two weeks_ matter so much?

Asra just pushed Julian's coat off of his shoulders, fingers dancing down his arms. “What is it that _you_ want from me tonight?” he asked instead. A rare question, but one to which they both knew the answer.

Julian shrugged his coat off so he could instead move his hands back to Asra's hips. “Anything you'll give to me.”

“You certainly don’t ask for much, do you?” Asra teased, caressing the expanse of pale skin now visible in front of him through the doctor's loose-fitting shirt. “What if all I feel like giving you is a cup of tea?”

Julian laughed, not overly surprised to hear there was a note of desperation tinting it. He wouldn’t put it past Asra to make good on that threat.

 _“_ _You are very impatient.”_

_“Asra, please---” Vain struggling against the bindings on his wrists; there was no chance of freeing himself. Of course._

_“No, I think you can wait a while longer. I do have a few things to tend to. We'll see if I have time for you.”_

“I’ll tell you what _I_ want then, shall I?” Asra said before Julian could say anything.

“Yes, please.”

“I want you to tell me why you waited two weeks to come back.”

Julian moaned, but this one was not tinted with expectant arousal, instead sounding defeated and almost _tired_. “I said, I've been busy,” he offered simply, pushing his fingertips under the hem of Asra's shirt to feel the warm skin beneath. Was he just always cold, or was Asra radiating unnatural warmth? “But I'm here now, so---”

“Don't lie to me, Ilya,” Asra warned, fingers pressing against his collarbone. “Or else you won't even get that cup of tea.”

Julian smiled weakly. This was not a conversation he wanted have. Why couldn't Asra just accept the easy excuse? There was no way he wanted to hear about a dozen nights of Julian trying to distract himself from sleep so that his mind couldn't focus on soft white hair and piercing violet eyes and firm touches and breathy teasings and _everything_ about Asra that Julian found so intoxicating that it _terrified_ him into stagnation for fear of falling harder and faster than he already was because these kinds of feelings were the ones that Asra would never have for him and---

“Ilya,” the magician's voice derailed Julian's runway thoughts.

“I was worried you didn't care,” Julian blurted without thought, as though he had no control over his own tongue. But here it was now, out in the open.

“About what?”

“About… about me,” Julian said quietly. He glanced away to avoid the curious gaze. “About us, about this.” His hands spread over Asra's skin, wrapping around to his back, pushing Asra's shirt up as he went.

“Did you think to ask?”

Of course Asra would make it sound as though it were the most obvious thing, so easy to _just ask_ , as though the question wouldn't shatter everything they had built. “This isn't exactly how I wanted this evening to go,” Julian said in lieu of an answer.

Asra hummed a little, and pulled closer as he trailed his hands up Julian's neck to the back of his head. “No, I expect you wanted to fuck me,” he said easily. “I just found it curious that I should give you a key, and you waited two weeks to use it. Was breaking in just more fun?” A smirk curled his lips as fingers found purchase in auburn curls. “Did I make it too easy for you, Ilya?” He gripped Julian's hair and tugged his head back slightly; pink rose in the doctor's cheeks. “You always did prefer to struggle and beg to get what you want.”

“A-Asra---”

With a low chuckle, Asra leaned up to kiss him again. Julian responded eagerly, wrapping his arms tighter around the other's frame.

Asra had seen the impending admission of more than just casual want, and had fended it off with a tease and just a hint of roughness. Julian was grateful. He didn't want to spill his feelings just to have them lay bare between the two of them, naked and prone, to be neglected and ignored.

(He'd much rather be the one in that position.)

“On your knees,” Asra breathed across his lips.

Julian didn't hesitate, falling to the ground with a slight clatter. His hands swept down Asra's back to settle on his thighs. Asra's hands didn't leave his hair; deft fingers brushed stray curls from his eyes so gray could meet violet unimpeded.

“You're going to suck my cock,” Asra said, his tone light but not without a hint of ice at the edges, “and if you're lucky, I'll let you have me in return.”

“Yes,” Julian agreed, bringing his hands forward to relieve Asra of his pants. “Happy to oblige.”

He had the pants down around Asra's hips in seconds, despite his shaking fingers. Asra was only half-hard, and Julian carefully wrapped one hand around him while his other went back to Asra's now-bare hip, running his thumb along the jut of his hip bone. “My god, Asra, but you are beautiful,” he murmured, a thought given unnecessary voice. “If I could just stare at you all night…”

Asra chuckled and nudged Julian's head forward pointedly. “You talk too much.”

Julian had secretly suspected that that was the exact reason Asra was so fond of his mouth being occupied with other things; because Julian did talk a lot. Especially during sex. Begging and pleading, half-slurred praise, sounds without words. Asra, on the other hand, was quiet in comparison, only the occasional moan or command to bless Julian's ears. He would devour any noise he could get.

He pressed his lips to Asra's tip, then opened his mouth to let his tongue rake the underside in hungry anticipation. If he waited long enough, Asra would become impatient and take proper charge. But he wasn't feeling very patient himself. Two weeks was longer than he thought. He took Asra’s entire length into his mouth; Asra hissed, fingers seizing in his curls. Julian felt the magician’s cock throb and swell under proper attention, and closed his eyes to enjoy the sensation of Asra’s own impatience.

“Properly,” Asra said sharply when all Julian did was let his tongue play over sensitive flesh. “Ilya.”

Julian hummed, ever appreciative of hearing his name in such a biting tone from the magician. He hollowed his cheeks around him as he pulled back, and Asra’s grip tightened in his hair. He repeated this a few more times before he felt Asra begin to set a rhythm, and so he let his hands settle on Asra’s hips and thighs and allowed himself to be _used_. Asra started slow, but it was no more than a few strokes before Julian felt his cock against the back of his throat. He tried to stifle the cough, the gag, and squeezed his eyes shut when tears pricked in the corners. This was just encouragement for Asra, who pushed as far into Julian’s throat as he could. Though Julian’s fingers were pressing painfully hard into his legs, there was still the hum of a moan against the cock in his mouth.

“Ilya,” Asra said his name again, this time lower, more guttural, “look at me. Eyes open.”

He obeyed, and felt tears streak down his cheeks. Asra was smiling down at him, a cold smile nonetheless dyed the undeniable color of affection; he moved one hand from Julian’s hair to his face to wipe tears away. “Mm, this is what _I_ could look at all night. The good doctor on his knees, using his mouth for something more useful than his usual prattle.”

This was surprising; not a command, not his name sharp enough to slice through a weak resolve. This was conversational, nearing _praise_ , something Julian had only received at the end of a particularly breathless night. Two weeks _was_ a long time. For them both, apparently.

Julian tried to respond reflexively, but of course only a choked moaning made it past his lips. Asra laughed a chocolate-covered plum-dark laugh that sent a painful lightning strike of _want_ through Julian’s entire body. “Even when you _can’t_ , you still try to talk. Oh Ilya. How charming.”

For all the nonchalance in his tone, Asra was relentless, fucking Julian’s throat raw so tears streamed down his cheeks in earnest. But every time Julian tried to close his eyes, Asra demanded them open again, and Julian would never disobey a direct order.

When the fist in his hair tightened and the hand on his cheek stiffened, Julian pulled Asra into him, making the magician stumble a step forward; but it was worth it when Asra gasped and leaned over him, moving both hands to the back of his head to hold his mouth in place as, with a final thrust, he released down Julian’s throat. He swallowed and swallowed, and felt his own cock twitch and leak when Asra’s eyes never left his and a satisfied smirk curled his lips, dimpling cheeks flushed in pleasure.

After he was sure Julian had swallowed everything, Asra pulled back and released his head. “Not bad, Ilya,” he said softly, brushing thumbs over the tear tracks on Julian’s cheeks. “I think that was good enough to earn you something.”

“That was reward in itself,” Julian said, his voice cracked and raw, stinging as it moved through his throat. He leaned forward to press a kiss to Asra’s hip. “But I won’t turn down another.”

“Of course you won’t,” Asra cooed. “But I do think you could use some tea first. Come here.” He tugged at Julian’s collar to make him stand. Julian did so, his knees shaking and arousal quite evident against the front of his pants. Asra smiled at it, tugging his own pants back up. “Mm. Yes, we’ll take care of that in a moment.” He raised his hands to Julian’s neck, thumbs brushing his jaw as warm palms settled on either side of his throat. There was a slight prickle of _something_ against Julian’s skin, but before he could question it, Asra was pulling back. “Chamomile, I think,” was all he said, turning to head upstairs.

“Asra---” Julian started, and was startled to feel a distinct _lack_ of stinging at the back of his throat. He raised his own hand to investigate, but felt nothing out of the ordinary. “Asra?” he called in question.

“Come upstairs,” Asra called back.

“What did you do?”

“Leave your boots by the door; don’t track any dirt up here.”

“Did… did you use magic on my throat?”

“Do you want sugar in your tea? I think the chamomile is best without it, but you do have that sweet tooth.”

“Asra.” When Julian appeared on the upper floor, now barefoot like the shop’s resident, he was met with a teacup being pressed into his hands. “Asra,” he repeated, looking down into the cup. It was full of a steaming golden liquid with a single, small white flower floating on top.

“Come sit down in the bedroom, Ilya,” Asra suggested.

Julian followed him with a sigh and a shrug. Of course Asra wasn’t going to answer him. When had he ever? Avoiding questions must have been one of the magician’s favorite pastimes. He sipped the tea as they entered Asra’s bedroom. It was sweet, and did make his throat feel better (even if it had already been apparently healed).

Asra guided the doctor to recline back against the pillows on the bed. Once Julian was comfortable, Asra joined him, straddling his lap and leaning forward to splay elegant tanned hands against his flushed chest. “How's the tea?” he asked in a murmur, pressing a small kiss to Julian's jaw as he had taken another sip.

“It's--- it's good, sweet.” Julian held the cup in one hand, moving his other to Asra's back. “You seem awfully… affectionate,” he couldn't stop himself from observing.

“I can stop,” Asra hummed into his neck.

“O-oh no, no please don't,” Julian said quickly. “It's just uh, been a while since you uh.” He met Asra's eyes when the magician sat up to look at him, and words died in his throat.

“Last time I showed you such attention,” Asra continued for him, “I had forced you through… I think it was three orgasms, wasn't it?”

“F-four,” Julian corrected meekly; his cock still jumped at the memory: tears streaming down his face, begging for something, to stop or for more, and Asra's calm determination to _torture_ him with bliss.

“Four,” Asra agreed with a smile. “I can do that again, if you need justification for a gentler touch.”

Julian just laughed, halfway between terrified and amused, sure that Asra was not kidding and not at all willing to call him on it. “Maybe not tonight.”

“Mm, another time then. Drink the tea before it goes cold, Ilya. You can't complain that the tea is no good if you wait until it goes cold to drink it.”

So he did, draining the cup, leaving just the flower floating in the dregs at the bottom. Asra took it from his hands and set it on the nightstand. “How's your throat feeling?”

“It was fine before the tea,” Julian pointed out. “You did something---”

“Good,” Asra cut him off with a satisfied smirk. “Your voice did sound awful. Can't have that when I have nothing else to shut you up with.”

Julian sighed; he didn't know why he thought he'd get an answer this time. “Asra.”

But the magician just chuckled and leaned forward to kiss him properly. Julian hummed into it, moving his hands to Asra's hips once again, this time to press him into his lap as a reminder that his erection had waned but not vanished.

“Are you going to ask for it?” Asra murmured against his lips between kisses.

“I want you.”

“That wasn't asking, Ilya.”

“Asra, _please_ \---”

“That's begging; I said to ask. And politely now; manners are important.”

Julian huffed, and Asra laughed, trailing light tickling kisses across his cheek and down his neck. “Would you _please_ ,” Julian said at length, “do me the favor of letting me inside you, dear Asra?”

Another chuckle, then a tongue against the heartbeat leaping in his neck. Julian moaned, tilting his head to the side to give Asra easier access. Asra sucked at the skin there, not pulling back until he was sure there would be a nice mark to admire in the morning. “Only because you asked so very nicely.”

In a fluid movement, Asra pulled his shirt over his head. Julian tried not to let his raw desire show on his face, but Asra's smirk told him that it was too late to try. He settled for sitting up and pressing his lips to the magician's collarbone, wrapping his hands around his back to feel as much of the tanned radiant-warm skin as he could. Asra pushed him back, but only to release him from his own shirt. Julian held Asra to him, his skin buzzing everywhere they were pressed together. Asra swept his fingers again through Julian's mess of curls, smiling down at him. Perched as he was in the doctor's lap, he could enjoy being _above_ again. Asra never did turn down a chance to look down at him.

“Oh Asra,” Julian murmured, sliding his hands down the other's back to push the waistband of his pants down once more. “Not a day went by when I wasn’t thinking of you. Of your hands in mine, of your breath on my neck, of your-your cock in my mouth--- Asra,” he repeated the magician’s name, because he had started to turn away, to break their shared gaze. “Asra, you are, are gorgeous and stunning and I spent two weeks dreaming of being back here with you.”

“Then why wait two weeks?” Asra asked playfully. “I was waiting for you, too, Ilya.”

“Mmm.” Julian leaned up for a kiss; Asra met him with both hands on his cheeks. “I told you.”

“So you did. I can't get up to take my pants off unless you let go.”

Redirection again. If the promise of finally getting naked with Asra wasn't being dangled in front of him, Julian would have been disappointed. He let go of his tightening grip on Asra's ass; Asra gracefully lifted himself off the bed. “You too, Ilya. Pants off.”

Julian scrambled to stand and tugged his pants off as Asra slid out of his own. Before they returned to the bed, however, Asra pulled in close.

“Tell me again,” he prompted as their legs intertwined. “Tell me why you're here.”

“For this,” Julian breathed, letting his hands caress the arms rising to meet his shoulders. “For you, Asra.”

When Asra leaned up to kiss him this time, Julian was caught off-guard. The ferocity of the kiss was conspicuous only in its absence. Asra was caressing his cheeks, kissing him with such gentleness that the warmth rising in his chest had nothing to do with their erections pressed between them, nothing to do with the promise of _more_. This warmth was one of familiarity, of comfort.

Of home.

Asra shifted them slowly, rotating until Julian's knees hit the edge of the bed, making him collapse into a sitting position with Asra climbing into his lap again. “Ilya,” he breathed.

Something had changed; Julian realized it all at once as Asra touched their foreheads together. The passion of the moment was drifting away from animalistic desire and instead towards something sincere, almost tender. “A---”

“Hush,” Asra cut him off before even a syllable could leave his lips.

“Asra,” Julian said anyway. “You’re so beautiful.”

This earned a kiss, but Julian could taste the smirk in it all the same. “Not very good at listening to instructions now, are we?”

“I just--- you are, and you--- you should know, you do know, of course, but I-I want to say it anyway, to tell you again and again---”

Asra chuckled and shifted, lifting himself up on his knees. “I’m not going to stop you, Ilya. I never have.” He lowered himself just so, and Julian was surprised to find that he was met with a slick warmth. Then he realized Asra’s hand was coming back to settle on his shoulder. While Julian had been distracted with… with whatever rearrangement of emotions was going on between the two of them, Asra had been dutifully preparing for the next step. And if that didn’t just set Julian’s heart ablaze anew.

“You couldn’t possibly be any more perfect,” Julian continued in a reverent tone; sometimes when he poured this devotion upon the magician pressing himself down onto his cock, Julian felt like he was _praying_. “Everything about you, your eyes, your lips, y-your _ahhh_.”

A throaty laugh spilled from Asra’s lips as he lowered himself, without stopping, all the way onto Julian; a few more noises worked their way from somewhere deep in Julian’s chest, but nothing resembling language. “Do go on,” Asra suggested; even Julian, preoccupied as he was, didn’t miss the breathlessness in the magician’s voice.

“S-so, so _magnificent_ ,” Julian managed. “Oh god, Asra, everything--- you are--- o-oh, oh f-fuck---” Asra had begun to move, lifting his hips just an inch and coming back down, and speech once again failed the doctor. So he settled for grasping at Asra’s hips to assist in the movements that were driving him towards rapture. He started to lay back - Asra had always seemed to enjoy having him beneath, usually with a hand or two at his throat - but was stopped when Asra’s arms around his shoulders held him upright, held him close.

He could have spent hours like that, Asra in his lap, warm and familiar and _comfortable_ , riding him with a rhythm that was quick but unhurried, murmuring adulation until his voice gave out. Asra didn't say anything, but the moans and small noises caught in his throat were the only encouragement Julian could ever think to ask for.

Julian felt a coil of heat tighten in the pit of his stomach; his fingers gripped Asra's legs tighter, which prompted one of the magician’s hands to weave into the doctor’s hair, taking a fistful to pull just enough to tilt Julian’s face up to look Asra in the eye.

“Say it again,” Asra demanded; Julian’s hands tensed on his hips. “Eyes on mine, Ilya; say it again.”

“You’re beautiful,” Julian recited in immediate acquiescence. “You’re amazing. You’re everything I want, everything I _need_. And I do, I _need_ you, just like this, like---” He pushed Asra down as far as he could and held him there in his lap. “Like this, just like this.”

“Are you going to come so soon, dearest Ilya?” The tone was teasing, but the hitch in breathing betrayed the truth.

“Are you?” Julian countered, smiling.

Asra laughed and crushed his mouth to Julian’s, who responded hungrily, moving Asra’s hips in the smallest of circles on his cock. Asra moaned into their mouths, pulling harder at his hair, but not pulling away. Julian willed himself to hold on, to wait, to _wait_ \---

“Oh _Ilya_ \---” When Asra came moaning his name, splattering their chests, Julian’s release damn near startled him with its suddenness and its sheer intensity. He squeezed Asra to him, panting venerating adoration into his ear.

Whether they sat there, pressed together and breathing heavy, for a minute or forty, Julian honestly couldn’t have said. All he knew was that whenever Asra pulled away, it was much too soon. He leaned back on his hands to watch as Asra glided across the room to pick up a towel to clean off with.

With euphoria fading, despondency took its place. Asra was saying something as he carefully cleaned himself off, walking back towards Julian. But all Julian was thinking about was what always came next: redressing in silence, and an escort to the door where he’d be bade a goodnight with the same frosty smile he had grown accustomed to. He waited two weeks, _two weeks_ , for just over an hour of joy. Post-coital gloom settled on his shoulders, and asked the same question it had posed a hundred times before: _was this worth it?_

He jumped slightly when Asra’s hands fell onto his stomach. Asra chuckled, wiping him clean. “You weren’t listening, were you?”

“Listening?” Julian repeated.

Asra smiled at him, his eyes glinting. “Maybe I shouldn’t repeat it.”

“Ugh, Asra, no--- I’m sorry, I was, my mind was wandering. Sorry, I’m sorry; please say whatever it was again, I’m listening this time.”

“I said,” Asra said, drawing the words out, “you should stay the night.”

Julian just blinked. “I should--- I should what?”

“It’s a cold night,” Asra continued, straightening and turning to toss the towel into a hamper. “You’re welcome to return to your own bed, of course, but I wouldn’t mind the company.”

“B-but---” Julian had to stop himself; _why_ would he protest this? “I uh. But isn’t uh, Ash, isn’t she going to be back?”

“I explained that already, too.” Asra climbed onto the bed next to Julian and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “She’s been traveling since yesterday, and won’t be back until day after tomorrow. Are you staying, or should I be collecting your clothes for you?”

“You’re sure?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t, Ilya,” Asra pointed out patiently. “I’ve kicked you out every other night, even when you _linger_. Which is why I’m assuming you’d prefer to stay tonight, now that I’m actually giving you the choice.”

“You’re…” Julian hesitated, considering Asra’s face as though this was some kind of trick. “You’re sure?” he repeated.

Asra just snorted, and pushed him sideways towards the pillows. “Lift your legs; the blanket’s under you.”

“I uh, I could, y’know if you really didn’t, I could go,” Julian stuttered.

“Move over; there has to be room for both of us, Ilya.”

“If you’re just being polite---”

“No, not like that; put your legs under the covers.”

“---because it’s not that cold outside, and---”

“Yes, like that, there you go. Are you going to lay down, or not?”

“---it’s really all right, I don’t mind leaving, it’s not like I haven’t---”

“Are you comfortable?”

“---left every other time.”

“Ilya, are you comfortable.”

Julian blinked again, and looked down to see Asra settling in against his chest, fluffy white hair against Julian's shoulder making his skin seem tan in comparison; Asra’s arm caught underneath them was curled up so one of his hands was against his own cheek, but his other hand was spread over Julian’s chest. Asra was looking up at him with a playful smile and twinkling eyes. “I think you’d be more comfortable with your arm around me, instead of to the side like that,” he suggested.

“I--- what?”

Asra reached back and took Julian’s hand, placing it instead on his waist. “Like this. Better?”

They were _cuddling_. They had had sex, they were naked, they were _cuddling_. Julian blinked down at the magician in his arms, wondering if this was some kind of---

He could stop that line of thinking easily, because _it wasn’t_ ; his dreams had never been this good.

“The bed isn’t too big, of course, but if you get too hot in the night, don’t worry about pushing me away. I know I can be warm.”

Julian wrapped both arms around Asra suddenly, and turned to bury his face into his soft white locks. “Asra, I would sooner go up in flames than let you go,” he mumbled, unable and unwilling to suppress his smile.

That was the moment when he realized that he had fallen in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: the title comes from “Painting Roses” by Dresses:  
> “‘Cause if home is where the heart is then I feel pretty stupid; my heart lies in your bones. Do you think that I'm dumb? ‘Cause I call it love.”  
> and if that doesn’t describe these two, i don’t know what does.  
> (go listen to the rest of those lyrics; I was basically listening to this song on repeat while writing.)
> 
> ps, plz shout at me about the arcana i literally cannot get enough of this shit ~~send help~~


	2. thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Asra overinternalizes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… wildly varying chapter lengths are a thing people like, right?

That was also the moment when Asra realized that Julian had fallen in love.

Julian’s breath fell into a slow, easy rhythm remarkably quickly.  Asra laid awake for much longer, thinking.

Thinking.

It was a bad habit, he was the first to admit.  For all his faults, Julian was a spectacular tutor for “do first, think later”, and Asra could (begrudgingly) admit that he might stand to learn a thing or two about that himself.  But he  _ was  _ learning, wasn't he?  His current position was evidence enough of that.

He couldn’t help but think that he was getting in just a little too deep.  At what point would his actions start to turn into leading Julian on? Julian would always  _ feel _ and  _ care _ more than Asra himself would.  This had the potential to get messy; imbalanced feelings always have a way of catching up to you.

He liked Julian, he did.  He wouldn’t deny that. But casual affection and occasional desire could never be the basis of anything more than the sporadic exhibitions of lust.

But he liked Julian.

He liked…

Hmm.  He did; he affirmed this to himself, defiant against the doubt.  He did, he  _ liked _ Julian.  The man was annoying, insecure, and a mess of a human; but Asra  _ did like him _ .  Why else would he have felt the surge of elation upon seeing Julian outside his door for the first time in two weeks?  Why else would he have expended unnecessary energy to ensure Julian could babble at him without discomfort? Why else would he have invited him to spend the night?

_ Because you wanted to get off.  Because you wanted to hear him sing your praises.  Because you were lonely. _

This is why he didn’t like  _ thinking _ so much.  There was a part of him (a hopefully relatively small part) that was painfully selfish, and had no problem justifying his actions in this light.  He could have sincerely been happy to see Julian because he had missed him, but it was just as likely that he was just anxious to have his cock swallowed after two weeks of neglect on that front.  He could have sincerely wanted to make sure Julian was comfortable when he took away the pain from his throat, but it was just as - probably more - likely that he wanted to hear Julian’s praise drip from his tongue like honey.  He could have sincerely wanted to fall asleep in Julian’s arms, but it was more likely that he was indeed lonely.

Ash had been gone for two days, the longest they had been apart in years.  Asra had grown so accustomed to her constant presence that her absence the previous day had been enough to push Asra to  _ willingly _ go to the palace to visit Nadia, even though it meant being in the general vicinity of Lucio as well; hardly a worthwhile sacrifice.

No, this was about  _ Julian _ .  Asra couldn’t let his thoughts wander, as they were wont to do.  Julian. Ash was an entire separate hour’s worth of musing. So Julian.

Julian.

 

 

Okay, fine; he was selfish; Asra only ever took actions if they were of direct and near-immediate benefit to himself; fine, he would accept the assumption.  He was selfish, and that’s why he kept letting Julian come back, kept allowing Julian to push further and further into his thoughts, kept obliging Julian’s affection.  Because he, Asra, was reaping the benefits.

Like the reverence that Julian heaped upon him in waves.  He  _ hated _ how much he  _ loved _ it.  The compliments, the praise, the lust-tinted affection that fell from his lips like honey into tea, sweetening something he already adored, making it impossible to turn away from.  Ash might bestow the occasional accolade, but those were as nothing to the devotion Julian exhibited.

So that's what he was gaining from this arrangement.  Adoration. Affection.

Love?

Well.  Love from Julian, certainly.  That much was clear now. But was it returned?  If he was truly selfish, it couldn't be. And if he was selfish...

Hmmm.

No; he must accept the assumption was flawed.  Aside from some (admittedly) rather fantastic sex and endless veneration, what else was Asra getting from all of this?  If it was simply about the sex, there were a dozen less infuriating people that Asra could have gone for in this district alone.  And if it was simply about the praise, he could get everything he wanted from Ash. So for the selfishness assumption to hold, he must be getting something else, something that only Julian could offer him.  Something unique to the man in whose arms Asra didn't want to admit he felt comfortable and  _ safe _ in.

Nope.  There was nothing.  He could think of  _ nothing _ that Julian alone could offer him.

Julian hummed in his sleep, mumbling something under his breath that Asra didn’t catch.  Julian shifted his legs, and tilted his torso slightly so he could pull Asra closer. Another soft hum, and Asra caught a flash of a sleepy smile before the doctor’s face was buried in his hair again.  Something he had been trying to push down shifted uncomfortably and rose in his chest at this, like a flower blooming in high speed. Curse Julian for being so god _ damn endearing _ .

Glad Julian was asleep and couldn't see it, Asra nuzzled into the crook of his neck and let his fingers play across the heartbeat thumping softly beneath him.  With a thoughtful hum, and no eyes to see him, Asra let himself smile as he closed his eyes to attempt sleep.

(He might be able to think of one thing.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still figuring out how to do more than lurk on tumblr (the-coshie.tumblr.com), so come talk to me over there and share with me all the Arcana things <3


	3. the morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein the boys have breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess there's a plot now, because I can't stop writing? I'm kind of re-imagining how the plague starts I guess and the way this is going, we're gonna be taken right up through the worst of it oh boy

Julian woke up to the scent of warm bread and sweet tea.  He stretched out across the bed, not surprised to find he was alone.  He would have been more startled to wake with Asra still next to him. Julian yawned and rubbed his eyes as he sat up; a little more awake now, he could hear Asra moving around downstairs in the backroom, humming.   _Humming_.

Smiling a little, Julian heaved himself from the comfort of the bed and went to retrieve his clothes, which were folded on the chair near the door.  He slipped into his pants and tossed his shirt over his shoulders, leaving it unbuttoned, as he left the room.

“Good morning,” he murmured, stifling another yawn, as he descended the stairs.

“Morning,” Asra replied as he settled in at the table with his breakfast and a book, Faust draped over his shoulders.  “If you’re hungry, there’s bread and jam, and tea,” he added, motioning towards the small stove and counter nearby.

Julian went to investigate; the bread was plain but soft, and the jam was some kind of spiced fruit mixture.  He picked up a slice of bread and spread a bit of the jam on it before turning back to Asra. The magician was settling back against some cushions, knees bent so he could prop the book open in his lap as he took a bite of his own bread.

“Any plans for the day?” Julian asked as he sat next to Asra at the table.  Faust slithered from the magician's shoulders to wrap around Julian's wrist and forearm affectionately.  Julian gave her head a pat. “Where were you last night?” he wondered aloud.

“She was around; didn't want to get in the way when she saw you here.”  Asra gave him a teasing smile, then turned to his book. “As for today, I’ll be opening the store soon,” Asra said, his eyes skimming the page.  “Ash is insistent it stays open, even in her absence. That should keep me busy for a while.”

Julian always forgot that the shop was technically Ash's.  (Might have had something to do with the fact that he only ever stopped by for Asra.)  “You run the shop for Ash when she’s gone?”

“Of course,” Asra said, glancing up only briefly with a small smirk.  “How else would I earn my keep?”

Julian hummed a little as he took a bite from his bread.  It seemed obvious, but he hadn’t really thought of it like that before.  He supposed he had assumed that there was more to their living arrangements than just simple cohabitation and work.  Wasn’t that why Asra always shooed him away before Ash returned for the night? Wasn’t that why Asra hadn’t ever formerly introduced them?  They had, of course, met in passing, but Asra was always quick to distract one of them away from a proper conversation.

“Are you and---” Julian began, but when he looked back at Asra, the magician’s eyebrows were raised and he wore a curious smile.  “Er,” Julian hesitated.

“Go on,” Asra prompted.  “I’m surprised it’s taken you this long to ask, considering the circumstances.”

“A-are you and Ash, er,” Julian tried again, “uh, to-together?”

“Are you worried that you might be my mistress, Ilya?” Asra teased, taking a sip of his tea.  “Worried that I’ve been keeping you hidden from my actual partner?”

Julian mumbled something he wasn't even sure of under his breath, looking away as he felt his face heat up.  “That’s not an answer,” he managed when Asra chuckled.

“I’m aware,” he said simply.  “Honestly, I’m hurt that you think I have such questionable morals.”

Julian looked up, mouth open to defend the intent of his question, but Asra was smiling at him.  “I-I didn’t mean,” Julian said weakly.

“Implying that, if I was with Ash, I’d be sneaking around behind her back with you.  My, my, Ilya, how little you think of me.”

“Asra,” Julian said pleadingly, “I don’t, I didn’t mean it like that, I just--- I was just curious, just---”  He stopped; Asra was still smiling at him as he took another bite of his bread, but that’s not what made Julian stop.  “‘If’?” he repeated.

“If?” Asra repeated back in question.

“You said--- you said ‘if’.  ‘If I was with Ash’. So… so you aren’t?”

Asra just continued to smile as he dropped his eyes back to his book.  “I’m not sneaking around behind her back with you, no,” he answered a completely different question.  “So you can rest easy on that account. Would you bring me the kettle?”

“But if you aren’t sneaking around, does that mean, does she _know_?”

“The kettle please, Ilya.”

“Asra,” Julian groaned, letting his head fall into his hands.  “Please, _please_ just answer one question straight.  Please. If nothing else, just answer me this one.”

He looked up when he heard Asra laughing.  “I’ve given you as much information as you need,” Asra was telling him gently.  “Whatever might or might not be going on between Ash and me, you needn’t be concerned about what _is_ going on between _you_ and me.  All right?  Now would you please go get the kettle for me?”

That was as much as he was going to get.  Julian sighed, and stood, letting Faust slither back to her master before walking over to go get the kettle.  In the time it took for him to walk over to the stove, it occurred to him to wonder why Asra didn’t just get the kettle himself.  As he started to ask this on his way back to the table, however, Asra said, “You really do have quite the obedient streak, Ilya.”

“Wh-what?” he asked, plopping back down at the table.

“You don’t question requests and demands made of you,” Asra said simply, taking the kettle from him and refilling his teacup.  “In bed, or out of it, it seems.”

He could feel his face heating up again.  Julian distracted himself by finishing off his bread, but Asra didn’t seem to need a reply, as if he had just been stating an observation.  By the time Julian was brave enough to look back at him, Asra was back in his book, chewing thoughtfully as he flipped a page, Faust curled up on top of his head and seemingly reading along with him.

Asra seemed quite content in the silence between them, so Julian followed suit and quietly got another slice of bread and poured himself a cup of tea.  He watched Asra read as he finished his breakfast. The magician’s lips would move sometimes, as though mouthing the words he was reading. His eyebrows would contract and furrow, only to be smoothed out once again a few words later.  He flipped the pages slowly, as if taking the briefest moment to let the previous page’s information sink in before continuing forward.

Julian thought he was beautiful.

He loved the way Asra’s lips half-formed words, pursing occasionally as though displeased with whatever information was being presented.  He loved watching those violet eyes flit back and forth, sometimes snapping back up the page to review something previously read, and sometimes flitting forward as though eager to find out what came next.  He especially loved the elegance displayed in long fingers with confident motions, whether it was flipping a page or reaching for the teacup.

 

 

“Surely you have something more interesting to do today than this.”

“Hmm?”

Asra looked up from his book and started to say something else, but then stopped, and smiled.  “You're staring,” he said instead.

Julian cleared his throat and hastily turned his gaze anywhere else.  “S-sorry,” he mumbled.

He heard Asra chuckle lightly and close his book.  “I should probably open up soon.”

“O-oh, yeah, of course.”  Julian rose to his feet, and Asra followed suit.  “Yeah, I uh, I should get to the clinic, I guess.”

“You're still working in a clinic?” Asra asked mildly as he collected the remnants of their breakfast to return to the small kitchen area.  “I thought you were spending all your time consulting with Nadia's people about this illness.”

“I am, but not every day.  The Countess is worried that the sickness will spread faster than we can contain it, so our work is primarily academic at present.  I mean, you know that.  I'm more useful at the clinic right now, where I can actually treat people.”

“You're doing good,” Asra said simply without looking at Julian as he wrapped up the leftover bread.  “Nadia's pleased with your work, and I'm sure your assistance is appreciated at the clinic.”

Julian knew his face was turning a deep shade of red, so he busied himself with retrieving his coat, which was where it had been discarded last night.  He had no idea how to respond to blatant praise from Asra, of all people. It had felt _good_ , and was arguably the nicest thing the magician had ever said to him and had made his heart _swell_ .  With pride, with gratitude, with _love_.

“I uh,” he started, keeping his back to Asra, “thanks.  I'm glad you think so.” He fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, and slipped his coat on to give himself more time to regain something he might consider composure.

“Well,” came Asra's voice, closer, as the magician approached him, “I hope you have a good day at work.”

The scraps of composure he had scrambled together scattered again, and Julian laughed a little awkwardly.  “Oh, you know,” he said, turning back to the other, “seeping wounds, blood and vomit; great way to spend the day.”

Asra pulled into him, tweaking the collar of his coat.  “I know you like helping people,” he said simply with a smile.  “I'm sure you'll have a satisfying day.”

Julian smiled down at him.  “I hope so. And I hope you have a good day, too.”

“I have some doubts,” Asra mused, rebuttoning two buttons on his shirt that Julian had somehow messed up.  “I think I’m likely to be distracted all day.”

“With what?”

Asra looked up at him with a coy smile.  “I won’t keep you; you shouldn’t be late.  Vesuvia needs its best doctor, after all.” Before Julian could press further, Asra leaned up to kiss him.  Though initially surprised, Julian pressed into it, wrapping his arms around the magician.

Then Asra was pulling back and turning away.  “Lock the door behind you, won’t you?” he called as he disappeared through the curtain that separated the shop from the living space.

Maddening.

Julian loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the tags say angst, and i promise it’s coming  
> just enjoy the fluff while we can :T


	4. reversed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Asra tries to have a productive day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of your comments so far have been so wonderful and I am beyond grateful <3 <3 <3! Hopefully y’all continue to enjoy this nonsense, because goodness knows I am :3

For the fifth time in the past hour, Asra’s eyes flitted towards the entryway to the backroom.  When he realized he had done it  _ again _ , he shook his head hard and tried to focus again on the papers in front of him.  Ash’s handwriting filled the sheets, lines and words crossed out all over, and calculations scribbled in any available space.  Her inventory tracking and shopping lists had always left something to be desired, Asra mused, shuffling through the papers.

_low on sage - buy_ ~~ _4 ba_  ~~  ~~ _3 b_~~ _5 bags  
_ ~~~~ _myrrh  
_ _incense - Besali requested rose - where??  Maybe_ _that village_ _traveling merchant  
_ _get 2 bundles  
_ __also more cinnamon

_           4x5=20 ~~-7=13~~ _

_     ~~12-5=7~~ _   
_6 x3=18_

__ ~~myrrh~~   
__ lemongrass, rosehip for tea  
_ crystals - get a handful i guess, they sell  
_ __ MYRRH

Asra chuckled to himself; Ash was more scatterbrained than she let anyone see, but her notes to herself always gave it away.  He pulled out a clean sheet of paper, and began to copy over the non-crossed out notes so she would have something clearer to work from when she returned.

The bell above the door tinkled, and Asra looked up.  A young man with sandy blond hair had entered the shop; Asra recognized him as a previous customer, but couldn’t remember his name.  Ash had always been better with that. “Welcome,” he greeted the boy anyway. “Anything I can help you with?”

“O-oh, I was looking for Ash,” he said, shuffling a few steps closer to the counter.  “Is she out?”

“She’ll be back tomorrow,” Asra confirmed.

“Ahh, all right, I can come back tomorrow, then.”

“Can  _ I _ help you with anything?” Asra offered again.

To his slight surprise, the boy flushed.  “Um, no, no it’s all right; thank you, but--- Ash already knows what I um, what I’m looking for, so.”

“If you’re sure,” Asra said slowly, feeling a little nonplussed.  “If you just needed an item, I could---”

“O-oh, no,” the blond cut him off with an awkward little laugh.  “No, it’s just that Ash did a tarot reading for me last week, and um.  Well, I just wanted to ask her about it.”

“Ah,” Asra said.  “Yes, that would be something that only Ash could help you with.  I’ll let her know you stopped in, then.”

“Thanks,” the boy said.  “I’ll try to come by tomorrow to see her.”  And with a slight wave, he left.

Asra hummed a little, and glanced to the far end of the counter, where his own tarot deck was sitting.  Ash didn’t do readings very often, but when she did, it always resulted in repeat customers. Ash had that effect on people.

He set his pen down and drifted over to his cards.  It had been a while…. He put his hand on top of the deck briefly, then cut it, and drew the new top card.

Ace of Cups.  Reversed.

His eyes flickered to the backroom again.  He knew he was doing it this time, but he couldn't stop himself.

Asra dropped the card back onto the deck and went back to Ash's notes.

  
  


 

_ Ace of Cups, reversed. _

“Ash has actually been out for the last couple days, looking for new products; I’m sure she’ll have something for you.  She'll be happy to talk to you tomorrow, if you can stop in.”

“I will, thank you.”

_ Unwillingness to open your heart, difficulty expressing your true feelings--- _

“Seventeen, Ash, really?” Asra murmured to himself as he sifted through the stock of herbs she kept under the counter.  “Talk about excessive…”

_ \---unrealistic expectations of new partners--- _

“Thank you for coming in!  I’ll be sure to let Ash know when she returns tomorrow.”

_ \---withholding emotion for fear of getting hurt--- _

Asra locked the door with a sigh, and let his head fall against it.  It had been a busy day, but not busy enough to stop the cards from whispering to him.  He could still feel it as though there was a breeze at the back of his neck.  _ Repressed emotions, unrequited love. _  Normally, he was quite happy to have the insight that the cards offered him; but when that insight was about himself, he wasn’t so sure.

With another sigh, he straightened and trudged back over to the deck to pick up the top card again.  The ace of Cups, reversed, looked back up at him. Try as he might to avoid it, he knew exactly what the cards were trying to tell him.  He knew what this was about.

Who this was about.

He looked up at the curtain that covered the entryway to the backroom.  He had lost count how many times he had looked at it today; every time Julian appeared in the periphery of his thoughts, his eyes would flit up to the curtain, as though expecting to see Julian waltzing right through with that stupid grin and telling him that they were running low on chamomile tea, and maybe he’d go pick some up while Asra was working.

He told Julian that he thought he might be distracted all day.

He was.

With Julian.

Would Julian come back again tonight?  He knew Ash wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.  Two nights in a row? It was rare that Julian would be over so often, but not unheard of.  Did Asra want him to? It had been two weeks….

He jumped a little as Faust slithered up his arm and around his shoulders.  So lost in his own thoughts, he hadn’t realized she had been up on the counter.  “Hey Faust,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her head.

_ Thinking? _ she asked.

Asra chuckled a little and slid the tarot card in his hand back onto the deck.  “You know me,” he told her. “Let’s figure out dinner, hm? Did you catch some mice today?  I thought I might have heard one scurrying around in the wall earlier.”

_ Ate it! _ she agreed cheerfully.

“Oh good,” Asra said with a laugh.  “Ash never did like having mice around.”

Taking his cards with him, he went into the backroom, lighting a few candles as he went.  He coaxed the salamander in the stove to get the fire started, and put on the kettle to boil while Faust curled up near the heat to bask.  He poked through their cupboards to see what he could cobble together for dinner. He and Ash would have to go shopping tomorrow evening to replenish their stock of food.  He finally settled on soup, pulling out a handful of vegetables and a jar of broth that he poured into a small pot and set next to the kettle.

He considered it for a moment, then glanced over to the back door.  He looked back at the pot. Then back to the door. Pot. Door. Then to his cards on the table.

“Fine,” he mumbled to himself with a huff.

He retrieved a slightly larger pot, transferred the broth over, and added a little more before setting it back on the stove to boil.

  
  
  
  


 

When the lock clicked about twenty minutes later, the knife slid right through the potato in his hand and sliced Asra’s thumb open.  He cursed at it, dropping the knife and potato, and scrambling to find a rag or  _ something  _ as the door inched open.

“Asra?”

“Come in,” he called; blood dripped onto his shirt, so he put his thumb to his mouth to suck the wound before he spotted a towel hanging on one of the cupboard doors.  “That’s what the key is for, Ilya.”

Julian chuckled a little and closed the door behind him.  “I know, it’s just… strange to not pick the lock for once.”

“Much easier this way,” Asra observed, turning to face the doctor as he wrapped his thumb with the towel.  “I don’t suppose you’ve eaten dinner yet?”

“I uh,” Julian was watching Asra’s hands as he slipped his coat off, “um, had a late… lunch.  What happened?”

“It’s nothing,” Asra brushed the concern away.  “Are you hungry? I think I’ve made too much; Ash was always better at judging portions, I'm hopeless without her.”

Julian didn’t respond, just walked over and took Asra’s hand in his.  “Ilya---” Asra tried to protest.

“What happened?” Julian asked, peeling the towel away.  “This is deep. How’d you manage this?”

“It’s nothing,” Asra repeated, trying to take his hand back; but Julian held it tightly, leaning closer.  “Ilya.” Blood was pooling on his fingertip, then streamed down into his palm. Julian mindlessly wiped it away to see the cut more clearly; Asra hissed.  “ _ Ilya _ , that hurts.”

“It might need stitches,” Julian murmured, ignoring him and tilting his hand slightly.  “Cutting vegetables, I assume? It’s a clean cut, so it shouldn’t scar much, but you need to---”

“It’s  _ fine _ ,” Asra said firmly.  “I’m just waiting for it to stop bleeding; it’s easier to heal that way.”

“Easier to---?”  Julian finally looked up at him.  He blinked. “Oh! O-oh right, yeah, you can… just heal it.”

Asra smiled a little.  “I appreciate your medical opinion,  _ Doctor _ , but I can take care of it myself, I assure you.”  He pressed the towel into Julian’s hands. “If you want to help, then finish cutting the vegetables for me.”

Julian’s face had started to redden slightly.  He took the towel and finally released Asra’s hand, and wiped the blood from his fingers.  “Sorry, I forgot--- y’know, been at the clinic all day, I didn’t even think---”

“That could be the title of your memoirs,” Asra teased.  But he still leaned closer and pressed a kiss to Julian’s cheek.  “There’s just the potatoes left; when you finish cutting them, add them to the pot and put the lid on.  I’m going to change. And take your boots off, they’re filthy.”

Without waiting for a reply, Asra swept up the stairs.

In his bedroom, he looked at the cut again.  Blood was still streaming into his palm, but it had certainly slowed.  He pressed his forefinger to it to help stem the bleeding further as he went about finding a clean shirt.  Julian was oddly authoritative when it came to wound care, he mused. He had been confident, hadn’t listened to Asra’s protests, and began suggesting solutions immediately.  So unlike his usual babbling insecurity. There was no denying that he was a good doctor.

Asra pulled his shirt over his head, and used it to wipe the blood from his hand.  When he separated his fingers, he saw that the bleeding had nearly stopped, so he covered his thumb with his other hand and willed the wound closed.  There was a slight glow, and as though a hot iron was pressed to it, the cut throbbed with warmth. Then it was gone, and Asra admired the job. No scar.  Of course.

He wiped his hands clean on the dirtied shirt, and pulled on a fresh one, then went back downstairs to see how Julian was managing with dinner.

Unsurprisingly, Julian had followed Asra’s orders, and was sitting at the table, barefoot, as the pot of soup bubbled away on the stove.  He was looking at Asra’s tarot deck, and slowly reached for it, drawing the first card. Asra couldn’t help but allow a small smirk; of  _ course _ Julian would be drawn to the cards.  Well. This could certainly be interesting.

“Do you want a reading?” he asked, sliding in next to the doctor, sitting so their legs were pressed together.  “I'll spread them out, and you just draw the card that calls to you.”

“What?” Julian asked, dropping the ace of Cups back onto the deck.  Asra picked it up and gave it a few shuffles. “The card that…  _ calls _ to me?”

“The cards will guide you,” Asra said simply.  “Here.” He put the deck back on the table and spread it into a semicircle in one fluid motion.  “Choose one.”

Julian just stared at him.

“It’s not that difficult, Ilya, just pick whichever card most appeals to you,” Asra told him, unable to hide his smile.

Julian’s brow furrowed, and he looked down at the cards.  “What if I choose the wrong one?” he asked.

“There is no wrong one.”

“But---”

“Ilya, draw a card.”

With a second’s hesitation, Julian reached towards the spread.  His hand hovered above it for a moment, then he picked up a card.  He glanced at it, and started to turn it.

_ Of course _ , Asra thought, caught between terribly amused and patently unsurprised.  “The Lovers,” he said, plucking the card from Julian's hand before he flipped it all the way.  “Reversed.”

“Reversed?  Because it’s upside down?” Julian asked.  “That means something?”

“Of course it does,” Asra said, looking at the card.  He could feel it between his fingers as though it was pulsing slightly.  “Upright, the Lovers signifies--- well, it’s pretty self-explanatory, even without studying divination.  Attraction, harmony, desire.”

“So reversed is the opposite?”

“Not exactly.  Reversed, the Lovers tell you that you’re…”  Asra hesitated as it spoke to him:  _ a sexual relationship isn’t enough to fulfill you; you want more, but there may be challenges in communication. _  They were almost taunting him.  “That you’re in conflict with the direction of your life,” he continued carefully.  “They encourage you to consider the decisions you’ve made, and to reflect on whether the… the situations you’re in are really what you want.”

“Hmmm.”  Julian was looking at the card too.  “I suppose I have been struggling to figure out what I want to do with work.  The clinic is all well and good, but the work we do at the palace is great, and I wish---”  He stopped and looked up at Asra. “S-sorry, I just--- nevermind.” And he looked away, his cheeks flushed.

_ They’re not warning you about work _ , Asra wanted to say.  He slipped the card back into spread, and gathered the cards up again.  “Well, it never hurts to reflect on these things,” he said.  _ They’re warning you about me. _  To hide his frown, he turned away to glance at the stove under the guise of checking the soup.

“So uh,” Julian said when the silence between them stretched.  “Um, how was your day?”

Asra felt his face relax, and turned back to face the doctor.  “Small talk, Ilya?”

Julian smiled a little.  “How was your day, and what do you think awaits us after death?”

With a laugh, Asra leaned over and kissed him.  Julian let out an exhale of a chuckle, and reached over to let his hands settle on Asra’s waist as he returned the kiss in kind.  The magician shifted, pulling himself into Julian's lap to straddle him; one of Julian's hands slid up Asra's back, holding him close.  Asra let his hands thread through Julian’s hair, but before he could pull at the auburn locks, there was a slight clatter from the stove.  He turned to see the soup just boiling over, and the lid shuddering as steam poured up around it.

“Ahh, right,” he hummed.  He looked back down at Julian, who was pink-faced and biting his bottom lip.  Asra smiled. “You can wait a little longer,” he said, and pulled away from Julian to get up and attend to their dinner.

Julian sighed, but stood to follow.  “Mmm, it smells great,” he said when Asra lifted the lid. “Almost ready?”

“Almost,” the magician agreed, stirring the soup, which settled slightly.  “A few more minutes without the lid to let it reduce a little.”

Julian leaned over his shoulder to inhale the fragrant steam.  “Can’t wait,” he murmured, his hands falling into their familiar comfortable positions on Asra’s hips.  His fingers slipped under his shirt, but only to press onto the bare skin above the waistband of his pants.

Asra felt that  _ something _ in his chest again, blooming much too quickly for comfort.  With Julian behind him, cheek against his temple, thumbs in the small of his back and fingers just resting on the line of his hip bone, Asra felt… he felt--- he felt like this was  _ home _ .  Familiar.  Comfortable.  Safe.

He stirred absentmindedly.  He liked this. Didn’t he? It was… good to feel safe.  Good to feel… home. But with Julian? He… liked Julian.  So wasn’t it okay that he liked feeling comfortable with Julian?  His chest felt a little tight. “Ilya,” he started.

_ Ace of Cups, reversed. _

_ Lovers, reversed. _

“Mm?” Julian hummed.

“Get the bowls, will you?” Asra asked.  “They’re just in the the cupboard, there.”

Julian pulled away, letting his fingers trail against Asra’s skin before letting him go.  Asra let out a slow breath and turned to find the ladle.

Like it or not, he couldn’t help but think he was getting in a little too deep.  And surely that wouldn’t be good for either of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> deflecting asra is my spirit animal


	5. one year ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Julian reflects on meeting Asra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off: y'all are gonna kill me with your comments I am legit _d e a d_ how are y'all so nice  
>  _ ~~please don't stop~~_
> 
> Now, about this chapter...  
> Since I'm basically writing this as I go and don't actually have it all planned, I changed a bit of dialogue back in chapter 3 to reflect the fact that (I decided) they've been working together off and on for a year now. Nothing substantial, so don't feel like you have to go back and reread everything; just fyi y'know.  
> But why a flashback? Well, I really wanted to write a sex scene from Asra’s point of view, but since I’m alternating chapters between the two of them, and the way the story lined up, I needed some filler for Julian, so we’re gonna do a flashback.  
> It’s actually relevant for next chapter too; is that even really filler, then? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯   
> I mean, I guess I could have made this the first chapter, and then done like a “one year later” thing, so is it filler in the sense that it interrupts the main story? Because that’s what filler really is, right?  
>  _ ~~Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.~~_

_ one year ago _

 

“Dr Devorak, this is Asra Alnazar.  Since you’re both consulting on this illness plaguing the city, it seemed prudent to introduce the two of you.”

Julian blinked.  His first - and utterly intrusive - thought was that Asra was  _ stunningly _ attractive, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little intimidated.  His hair was soft white, his eyes were sharp violet, and his skin seemed like velvet.   _ Shit _ .  He really hoped his mouth hadn't fallen open.

The magician had the slightest of smiles curling his lips as he looked over the doctor.  “It’s a pleasure, Doctor.” He proffered his hand.

Julian’s hand shot out to accept the handshake.  “P-pleasure’s mine. Uh, you can, you can call me Julian.”  Asra’s hand was warm in his, like cloth that had been in the sun, radiating warmth from its core.

“Tea?”  Nadia broke into Julian’s thoughts.

“Wh-what?” he asked, looking around to the Countess.

Nadia gave him an appraising glance, and he could have sworn there was a smirk in her eyes.  “Would you like to join us for tea, Doctor?” she repeated.

“O-oh, I uh.”

“It would be nice to chat,” Asra said mildly as Nadia motioned out onto the balcony.  "You should join us.”

In a slight daze, Julian followed the two of them outside, falling heavily into one of the chairs set up around a small table laid out with tea and snacks.  Nadia and Asra had begun talking immediately, something cheerful and friendly. Julian just watched them.

He had only spoken with Nadia twice before, once when she had recruited him, and once to give a report.  She moved with a flowing elegance to be expected of royalty, every gesticulation like water, her very posture like air.  He had never seen her smile this much, though. (To be expected; when you were talking about sickness plaguing the streets, there wasn’t much to smile about.)  Her smile was brilliant in the afternoon sun drenching them, and her laugh was light and refreshing, just a little tinkling, like a wind chime.

This magician, Asra, he moved with a similar grace; but his seemed to be more innate, rather than trained like Nadia’s.  He clearly wasn’t raised in the court - his manner of speech gave him away - but his movements flowed like Nadia’s, careful and practiced, and  _ absolutely exquisite _ .  His hand came to rest on Nadia’s wrist as he made a point; Nadia burst into laughter, covering her mouth with her other hand, and Asra’s hand lifted from her like a butterfly taking flight as he mimed something that was clearly part of the story he was telling.

“I wish I could tell you that I knew what happened after that,” Asra was saying; his eyes strayed from Nadia over to Julian.  “But unfortunately, he ran off before I could ask anything else. You’ve been quiet,” he said, and Julian barely registered that this was directed at him.  “Is the tea all right?”

Julian glanced down, unsure when he had picked up the tea cup in his hands.  “Er, I’m not usually much of a tea drinker, but it’s uh, it’s okay, it’s all right.”

“We can certainly get something else for you to drink,” Nadia offered, waving a hand vaguely towards the doors, where a servant appeared.  “Wine? A juice, perhaps?”

“O-oh!  No, no it’s fine, I don’t want to be a hassle,” Julian said very quickly; to illustrate this, he lifted the cup to his lips.  The tea was incredibly sweet, and even though he wasn't the biggest fan of tea, he did like this one. “Oh, it’s…” He looked up to see Asra giving him a curious sort of smile.  “...sweet,” he finished lamely, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“Are you sure?” Nadia offered again.

“Yes!” Julian assured her firmly.  “Yes, this is just fine, thank you.”

With another slight wave, the servant disappeared again.  “So, Julian. We are certainly lucky to have you, but what brought you to Vesuvia in the first place?” she asked conversationally, picking up one of the small sandwiches from a silver platter between them.  "I've never had the chance to ask."

“I was wondering the same thing,” Asra said, settling back in his chair and sipping his own tea.  “Your accent betrays you, even if you’ve styled yourself with a different name.”

Julian cleared his throat awkwardly, and tore his eyes from Asra’s hands; for some reason, he was finding himself very taken with the way Asra held his cup.  “I uh, just wanted a change of scenery. Found myself in Vesuvia.”

“Can I ask what your birth name is, then?  Julian Devorak doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, does it?” Asra remarked.

“It’s--- it’s Ilya,” Julian mumbled, trying not to enjoy the way that Asra said his name.

“Ilya Devorak,” Asra said, and Julian felt his stomach somersault; too late, he enjoyed that very much.  “Yes, that sounds much better. Or is it that you prefer ‘Julian’?”

“Anything’s fine,” he managed, raising his cup to his lips, wishing it was larger to better hide his face.

“Ilya it is, then,” came Asra’s voice.  Julian was sure that his tone was teasing.

Nadia chuckled.  “You'll forgive me, Doctor, but I would continue calling you by the name you used upon our introduction.  With so many in and out of the palace these days, names are getting harder and harder to keep in order.”

“I don't think he can argue,” Asra pointed out; Julian was internally grateful because he didn't trust his tongue with speech right now.  “As Countess, you can call us whatever you’d like, and we have no room to complain, do we?”

“And if I were to begin to call you Sir Alnazar?” she teased him.

“I might have to invoke our friendship,” Asra shot back with a light chuckle.  “I draw the line at ‘sir’, Nadi, you know that.”

Julian watched them joke with each other over the rim of his cup.  Nadia always seemed to be so uptight, but here with this Asra, she was an entirely different person:  cheerful and playful, teasing Asra just as much as he teased her. And Asra--- Julian couldn’t help but let his thoughts stray back to the magician.  Asra was… something else. He hadn’t been the first to ask for his real name, but was definitely one of the very few who spoke it with confidence. There was no hiding the Vesuvian accent on it, of course, but Julian could appreciate the effort, and the attempt at imitating the Nevivon pronunciation, and the way it rolled off of Asra’s tongue---

“---medicine for long?”

“What?”  Julian straightened in his chair and focused on the other two.  Nadia was giving him a very interesting sort of smile, and Asra’s expression was colored with something that Julian couldn’t quite place.  “Sorry, what was that?” he asked, as Asra had clearly asked him a question that he had completely ignored.

“Have you been practicing medicine for long, Ilya?” he asked, and Julian was painfully grateful that they could not see his heart leaping into his throat.  “Nadi was saying that she wasn’t sure, but that your skills were undeniable.”

“O-oh, I um, yeah, I have been working for… it’s been a few years, er well, more than a few, I’ve been---”  Julian stopped to swallow, willing his mind to focus on the words he was trying to say. “I have a lot of experience,” he finally settled on.

“I’m sure you do,” Asra agreed.  “I’m looking forward to working more closely with you, Ilya.”

There was no way Asra  _ didn’t _ know how much Julian liked hearing his name on the magician’s lips, because that was four times in a very short span of time.  Julian opened his mouth to respond, but was spared the effort by a slight commotion inside. The three of them turned to see what the trouble was when Count Lucio appeared in the doorway.

“---trying to tell me I can’t see my wife,” he was muttering, despite the grin creasing his cheeks.  “Noddy, I’ve been looking for you. Oh, I didn’t know you had guests.”

Julian could have sworn he saw the slightest of eye-rolls pass over Nadia’s face as she addressed her husband.  “Lucio my love,” Julian was equally sure that these words were colored with sarcasm, but Nadia's tone remained light, “I told you I would be having one of our esteemed doctors for tea.”  Lucio leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek, which Nadia returned with convincing affection. “And of course, our dear Asra has joined us.”

“Oh, of course,” Lucio agreed, sending a wide grin towards Asra as he perched on the arm of Nadia’s chair.  “How’ve you been, Asra? Haven’t seen you around in a few days.”

Julian glanced at the magician, but had to double take when he saw the way Asra’s eyes had darkened and his entire expression had turned to ice.  “Lucio,” he said simply. “I’ve had better things to do.” His tone, too, had frozen, and nearly made Julian shiver with the stark change.

“Love,” Nadia said quickly before the Count could respond, “we are also playing host to Dr Devorak.”  She motioned to Julian, who unconsciously straightened in his chair, wondering if he should stand, but it wasn't like they has never met each other before, so surely the allowed him some level of freedom, especially considering the last time they had seen each other, but he was a  _ Count _ after all, so---  “He has been an immeasurable help in studying this persistent illness.”

Lucio’s grin only widened as his eyes fell to Julian.

Julian cleared his throat and averted his eyes.  “I’m glad to be of assistance,” he mumbled.

“Oh Jules,” Lucio drawled, “It’s been a while; I never thought I’d see you around here.”

“You two are previously acquainted?” Nadia asked, sounding surprised as she looked between the two of them.  “I was not aware.”

“We er---” Julian started, but when he looked up to see everyone else looking at him - Nadia curious, Lucio smug, and Asra detached - his voice died in his throat.

“He was a just a traveling medic at the time,” Lucio supplied when it was clear that Julian wasn’t capable of responding.  “Right, Jules?”

Julian nodded meekly, fingering his tea cup and praying for deliverance from this reunion.  In front of the Countess,  _ in front of Asra _ .  This was not ideal.  Then again, nothing with Lucio ever was.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his; Asra was gently taking his cup to refill it.  “I take it you are the doctor that Lucio has cursed with every other breath for the loss of his arm,” he said.  Then handed the cup back to Julian, who could only manage another meek nod, but somehow mustered the courage to look up at Asra; to his utter surprise, warmth had come back into Asra’s fine features as the magician smiled at him.  “Remind me to thank you later,” he murmured, his hand lingering on Julian’s as he drew away.

“He claimed I would have bled out,” Lucio was saying loudly, gesturing dramatically.  “Utter nonsense! Cutting off my arm because of some blood--- who ever heard of something like that?”

“We should thank him that he was able to spare your life,” Nadia mused, placing a placating hand on her husband’s knee.  “And he is once again lending his services to us, my love, so we should be grateful to him.”

Julian busied himself with his tea again to try to regain his composure, while simultaneously suspecting there was no use.

  
  
  
  


Julian had settled into his work quickly, enjoying being able to take a more academic approach to sickness than he was usually able to while working at the clinic.  Truly nothing compared to being able to tangibly help others, but the limitless resources offered by the Count and Countess were a boon he would have never thought to ask for.

Asra would be in and out of the library while he worked, and Julian soon came to appreciate the magician's unique point of view.  He himself had no experience with magic - and no desire to acquire any, if he was honest - so Asra's knowledge was another unexpected bonus.

Nadia seemed to be rather fond of them both - or maybe it was Lucio, Julian would muse in retrospect - so he was often invited to join the Countess and magician for tea in the evenings.  Lucio would interrupt them regularly, which usually prompted Asra to come up with an excuse to leave, which in turn invariably resulted in Lucio  _ pouting _ .  Two weeks after their initial introduction, it was one such evening when Julian followed Asra from the balcony.

“Asra!”  Julian jogged a few steps down the hall to catch up to the magician.  “S-sorry, I just had a quesAH!” He lept back in surprise when a snake poked its head from Asra’s scarf.

Asra laughed, reaching up to pat the snake.  “That's right, you two haven't been introduced yet, have you?  This is Faust,” he said. “You don’t need to be afraid of her, Ilya, she won’t hurt you.”

“Who just has a snake in their shirt?” Julian grumbled, a hand on his chest as if to slow his heart.

“She’s my familiar, she's usually with me,” Asra said simply.  “You had a question?”

Julian gave Asra a look as if to say, “Yeah that totally makes up for a snake appearing out of nowhere.”  He straightened and took a careful breath. “I uh, you were saying earlier, well, you were talking to the Countess, and you mentioned you had a collection of tomes.  I was wondering if you happened to have  _ Arcane Medicine _ , the second volume?”

Asra’s lips curled into a smirk.  “ _ Arcane Medicine _ ?  Ilya, that collection is extremely rare.  Surely you don’t mean to imply that I happen to have a priceless tome lying about?”

Julian blinked, but Asra’s smirk didn’t falter, so he dropped his gaze.  “I-I just thought, well. The Countess said, she thought that if anyone would have it, or know about it, or y’know, it would be you, so.”

“I hate to disappoint you, Ilya.”  Julian felt his cheeks heat up again.  Asra had always seem to say his name so much more than others; was he enjoying it?  Did  _ he know _ ?  “Besides, my books aren’t at the palace.”

“Where are---?”  Julian stopped himself.  A pointless question; if Asra didn’t have the book…

“I keep my collection at the magic shop, at the edge of the market,” Asra said anyway.  “That’s where I live most of the time. Nadi is a very accommodating hostess, but nothing makes up for the comforts of home.”

“The magic shop?”

“I should be getting back,” Asra mused, glancing out of the nearby window; the sun was setting over the gardens.  “Ash won’t be home until the morning, but I do have things to tend to before then.” He looked back at Julian, and the slightest of smirks flashed across his features.  “If I did happen to have a copy of the second volume,” he continued suddenly, and stepped closer, making Julian’s heart skip, “I wouldn’t even be able to look for it right away, as I do need to run a few errands before returning home.”

“What?” Julian asked.

Asra turned with an airy wave.  “Until next time, Ilya.”

  
  
  


Julian stared at the door in front of him.  He  _ knew _ Asra had this stupid book, and he  _ knew _ that the magician was teasing him by saying otherwise.  He might not always be the quickest on the uptake, but he was  _ not _ an idiot.  The second volume of  _ Arcane Medicine _ was supposed to have some very good diagrams, and a few useful studies about plagues.  They still weren’t sure if this sickness could be classified as a plague just yet, but if it would help,  _ why _ would Asra try to keep the book from him?

He continued staring at the door.  He wasn’t an idiot, but…. Was Asra just a little too obvious about luring him down here?  It wasn't exactly a secret that Julian had more than a passing interest in the magician - a little too much stuttering and awkward laughing had given him away to Nadia, at least, who had asked him if anything was happening between the two of them, earning more stuttering and awkward laughing - but Asra had always been careful to name drop his ...was "housemate" the right term? Julian wondered.  Apprentice? Colleague? He hesitated to call Ash Asra's "girlfriend", since the magician had never confirmed this, but that certainly seemed to be what they were. And if they weren't, Julian was fairly positive that Asra had strong feelings for her anyway. That was why Asra had never acknowledged Julian's interest.

Wasn't it?

Regardless - Julian shook himself slightly; he could mull all of this over later - this wasn’t about his feelings, or Asra’s; this was about the book.  And he  _ had _ seen Asra chatting with some merchants in the market, so the magician  _ was _ running errands before returning home.  If he could just slip inside and take a quick look at the books….  Surely it couldn’t take that long, and he’d be out before Asra was any the wiser.

Of course not.

  
  
  


 

“Why would I lie about a book, Ilya?  This is a flimsy excuse to see me, don’t you think?  What really brought you here?”

Julian’s voice was caught somewhere in his chest, likely kept suppressed by the piercing gaze and downright alluring smirk Asra was subjecting him to.  He tried to respond, but little more than a half-articulated grunt made it past his lips. If he hadn’t have known better, he would have sworn that Asra had planned everything.  Barely two minutes into his search, and Julian had been interrupted by Asra returning. The magician had not seem surprised to see him there as he shed his cloak and travel bag.

“I am glad you came, though,” Asra continued.  He was in front of Julian now, and his hands were tracing up Julian’s chest to his shoulders.  “I still haven't been able to properly thank you for your work on our  _ beloved _ Count.”

Julian tried again, but wasn’t able to say anything.

Asra’s smirk widened.  “I think he needed to be humbled by the loss of a limb, don't you?” he continued.

“Amp---” Julian swallowed.  “Amputation,” he managed. Barely.  “I-it was medically--- medically necessary.”

A low chuckle; Asra was leaning closer, and Julian was glad his back was pressed against the wall because his knees were about to give out.  “Details,” he said softly. “So Ilya. What would you have happen now?”

“I uh,” Julian mumbled.  “Well, I-I’d like to see for myself that you, you don’t have the book, just to check, you know, because---”

Asra leaned forward and kissed him.  Julian’s knees did give out this time, but Asra was gripping his shirt to keep him upright, and Julian’s hands scrambled to find something to hold, landing on Asra’s hips.  “Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?” Asra breathed across his lips.

Julian managed a shaky laugh.  “A-all the time, every-every day.”

“Mm,” Asra hummed, looking him over.  “I think we can find a better use for you mouth, don’t you?”  He let go of Julian’s shirt, and let the doctor fall to his knees.

If his face wasn’t red before, Julian was willing to bet he was about to burst into flames now.  His hands had slid down with him, and were on Asra’s thighs. “O-o-oh. C-can I…?” he asked, but still somehow had enough sense to stop himself.   _ Can _ I?  How desperate did he sound?  He swallowed heavily and looked up at the magician.

“I’d expect nothing less at this point, Ilya,” Asra lilted.  He was now bracing himself with one hand against the wall behind Julian, while his other was brushing a stray curl from Julian’s forehead, and looking down at the doctor with a cold smirk.  “You did, after all, break in to my home.”

“S-sorry,” Julian mumbled.  He slowly brought his hands to Asra’s front, and fumbled with his pants.  “I um, I didn’t think you’d, uh, be home, and the book is---”

“You’re still talking,” Asra cut him off with a snort of laughter.  “Working with you is certainly an experience. Did you know that you talk while you work, too?”

Julian hesitated and looked up at Asra.  He opened his mouth to say something, but Asra moved the hand he had in Julian’s curls instead to his mouth, putting a thumb over his lips while tilting his head up.  “It was rhetorical, Ilya,” he said playfully. “Now, given our current circumstances, it seems prudent to ensure we don't cross any boundaries, or else our work would become very complicated indeed.  You seem to be the sort to want a little force, though. Hair pulling and the like? Am I wrong?” When Julian just continued to look at him, cheeks darkening further, Asra smiled. “That one wasn’t rhetorical, Ilya.”

“You’re not wrong,” Julian said quickly, the words coming out in a rush.  “I’d  _ really _ like it if you, if I could--- I mean, i-if you want to, which, I mean, I’m already down here, so---”  Asra’s thumb pushed past his babbling lips and pressed onto his tongue, rather effectively silencing him.

“Yes, we do need to find something else to occupy your mouth,” Asra mused.  Julian was entirely incapable of not letting his tongue taste Asra’s skin, lips closing around the finger and sucking slightly.   _ Fuck _ , he tasted amazing already, his skin so warm and salty.  “Luckily, I think I have just the thing.”

Julian took the hint, and tugged Asra's pants down.  Face to face with the magician's length, Asra removed his hand from Julian's mouth, and instead took one of Julian's hands and guided it to his thigh.  “Since you won't be able to say much,” he said, “I want you to squeeze twice if you want to stop. Understand?”

“Yes,” Julian breathed, and added before he could stop himself, “but I doubt anything you do could make me want to stop.”

Asra hummed thoughtfully as a smirk quirked the corner of his lips.  “You are tempting me to try, Ilya.”

“Please do,” he murmured.

“Then stop talking,” Asra said heavily, moving his free hand back to Julian's hair, gripping tightly, “and suck it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are <3 <3 <3 <3!  
> I respond to every single one because if you took the time to say something, you're goddamn right I'm taking the time to say something back
> 
> next time, get ready to get all up inside the head of our favorite deflecting magician *spongebob_rainbow.gif*


	6. something else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Asra has some thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. My apartment had no AC for the past couple days and it's been 80+ degrees outside during the day, so we spent most of the day anywhere but home. The indoor temp usually hovered around 88, even when it was ~75 outside after the sun had set. It's ah, it's been an adventure.  
> Anyway.
> 
> Ready for some Asra? I'm like 87.6% sure this is my favorite chapter so far. Hopefully y'all enjoy it too <3

Julian wouldn’t stop talking.  Asra had his head propped on one of his hands, elbow on the table, and was moving his spoon around in his nearly empty bowl listlessly as he listened to the doctor talk about his day.  He thought he was making it fairly obvious that he would much rather they move this conversation to the bedroom and use a lot fewer words, but Julian was as observant as ever.

Not that this was any surprise.  Asra had always doubted whether or not Julian ever picked up on the more subtle clues he gave him.  (Probably not.) He could remember clearly a few nights of working in the library at the palace, making teasing remarks and flirty banter, and Julian just so absorbed in his research that his responses were little more than  _ mmhm _ s and  _ oh yeah? _ s.  Sure, Asra was just as committed to the research, but he always felt that Julian needed to take more breaks; he would work himself straight to sleep if given the chance.  Asra had watched this happen no less than seven times.

Julian talked  _ a lot _ , and Asra knew he did it when he was nervous.  Their first evening together seemed to be a blur of incessant chatter in his mind.  Mm, no, that wasn’t fair; there were at least one or two good orgasms, too. Almost enough to make up for the constant noise.  And Julian had proven to be very pliable, which more than made up for the risk of lending him the book he had wanted.

_ “I’ll uh, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then, huh?” Julian asked, shrugging his coat on.  “Yeah, that won’t be weird,” he muttered. _

_ Asra smirked, leaning against the wall, watching Julian step into his boots.  “Don’t worry so much, Ilya, it’ll be fine.” _

_ “Yeah?  How many of your colleagues have seen you naked?” Julian shot back. _

_ With a chuckle, Asra straightened.  “Hold on for just a second, will you?” he said as he walked towards the stairs.  “I need to grab something; it’ll be just a second.” _

_ When he came back downstairs, it was with an old, heavy book in his hands.  “You’re heading back to the palace, aren’t you?” _

_ Julian shrugged a little.  “I should, yeah; I’m almost finished with that report.  I wasn’t expecting to be uh. To be here for so long,” he finished, cheeks flushing as he turned away. _

_ “You could have stayed longer, but you’re the one that put your clothes back on,” Asra teased.  Before Julian could respond, he pressed the book into his arms. “Well, travel safe.” _

_ Julian glanced down at the book; Asra was opening the door for him.  “Asra, this--- this is---” _

_ “Tell Nadi I’ll be by tomorrow afternoon, if you see her.” _

_ Julian gaped at him. _

_ “Goodnight, Ilya,” he said pointedly, with a smirk, and motioned Julian through the door. _

“Asra?”

The magician blinked and looked up.  Julian was smiling a little at him as he set his spoon down.  “Hm?”

“Sorry, I know I was babbling,” the doctor apologized.  Asra smirked a little; oh good, at least he was self-aware.  “I just uh. Well. We’re finished with dinner, so. I didn’t know what uh, what to do, so I… I talked.”

“Oh yes,” Asra agreed mildly, dropping his spoon in his bowl and pushing it aside, “I am well aware, Ilya, you are quite proficient at talking.”

Julian shrugged and gave an awkward little chuckle.  “Well, do you… do you want help cleaning up?” he asked, glancing around.  There was still a small mess of vegetable peelings on the counter, and the dirty dishes on the stove.

“I can clean up in the morning,” Asra said dismissively, standing.  “Do you want to come upstairs?”

“O-oh, I uh.”  Almost a year of this, and Julian still acted like every advance was a surprise.

“Ilya,” Asra said, holding his hand out to the doctor.  “Let’s go upstairs.” He always forgot that phrasing questions to Julian would rarely result in simple answers; firm suggestions and commands were usually the way to go.

And they worked.  Julian took Asra’s hand without saying anything else, and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet; Asra pulled him right up next to him, too, smiling.  “Th-thank you for dinner,” Julian mumbled, apparently reflexively.

“I have a few ideas on how you can thank me properly,” Asra responded easily, leaning closer.

"I really hope we're thinking of the same thing," Julian said, with a smirk meant to indicate confidence.  But Asra heard the sincerity in it anyway.

So of course Asra had to tease him.  "Oh, you also want to organize my books for me?  Thank goodness, Ash has been bugging me about that for ages."

Julian laughed.  " _ Asra _ ."

He couldn't help but smile; Julian's tone was somewhere between amused and frustrated, exactly what he had been going for, and it was… it was endearing, coming from the doctor.  He leaned up and kissed Julian firmly, because he knew it would make Julian's hands settle on his hips again - which they did - and Asra couldn't help but enjoy the familiarity of the touch.

He navigated them towards and up the stairs.

Asra could remember the very first time Julian had let his hands fall onto his body; he had been floundering at the time, and since his hands had happened to be looking for something to hold right around Asra's waist, that's where they had landed.  The grip had been firm, but not grabby or insistent. The grip of a man who was trying to find something steady to hold while everything fell apart around him.

Julian was saying something as they pulled their shirts off; both garments were tossed in different directions, landing on the nightstand and the floor.  

Yes, that seemed around right, Asra mused.  That very first time that he had humored the feelings he knew Julian harbored for him, he had been able to watch in real time as the doctor’s reality began to crack around him.  It had been as though Julian never expected Asra to acknowledge him, which - of course - made it all that much more fun to do so. Was that why he had? Just for the fun of it? Hmm.  That… didn't seem right...

“You’re so beautiful,” Julian murmured.  They were on the bed, Asra straddling Julian’s lap.  He didn’t remember taking their pants off. “I love looking at you,” Julian continued when he seemed to realize he had caught Asra’s attention properly.  “Your skin, your hair, your eyes--- and this---” He traced Asra’s hip bones inwardly with this thumbs, then let them trail down his thighs. “Your lines, Asra, I would trace them all night if you’d let me, every inch of you.”

He knew it was true; Julian’s hands were always quite active.  He liked it, though, he really did. Because the words of praise were one thing, but with Julian, it was more than that.  Veneration was left in trails along Asra’s body, wherever Julian’s fingers went. “I don’t think I’d stop you,” he said with a slight smirk, letting one of his own hands snake into Julian’s curls.

Julian was responding (of course), but Asra was rather enjoying the way his fingers were pressing into the softest skin on his inner thigh, the teasing hint of moving closer, touching  _ something else _ making his stomach jolt.  It was probably accidental on Julian's part; he had never actively attempted to tease Asra.  And yet he always managed to.  _ Damn him. _

The incidental teasing was working; Asra wanted more, and he didn’t think Julian was going to argue one way or the other.  He moved his free hand behind him, and slipped a finger inside of himself; magic was always useful when he was impatient, and this was no exception.  If someone had told him when he was learning magic what he'd someday use it for….

“Ilya,” he murmured, gripping his curls and tugging his head back.  Julian hummed under him, biting his lip. These were the two things that Asra was sure he would never tire of:  Julian’s name, and Julian’s hair. From day one, Asra had seen the effect of using his real name, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t think it was kind of adorable.  Clearly, there were very few people in Vesuvia who could speak the name with confidence, so when someone did, Julian was hooked. And his hair… the auburn curls were  _ perfect _ for grabbing and holding; not too tightly curled so that getting a firm but not painful handful could be difficult, and not too straight to making finding purchase tricky.  Logistically perfect for the hair-pulling Asra himself so enjoyed. It, of course, helped that Julian got off on it. “Ilya, I want to hear you beg for me.”

So he did; Asra knew he would, even without having to listen to it.  Instead, he was focusing on the feeling of sliding onto Julian’s cock, the way the doctor's breath caught in his throat and his words stuttered out to moaned profanity, the way his legs jerked and his hips bucked, the way Asra’s name made it past his lips, all hot and wet with desire.  And the way his hands were back on Asra’s hips, just like always.

He wasn't sure when he fell in love with the way Julian held him.  If he was honest, he even hesitated to call it  _ love _ , but he really couldn't think of a better word.  Whatever it was, Asra had always relished Julian's hands on his waist and hips.  Long fingers. Deft touches. Subtle presses. Asra wondered vaguely if Julian could play any instruments; it would be a shame if he didn't.  His hands would have been perfect plucking strings or pressing keys, and… and Asra was a little surprised to think that he kind of wanted to see that.  What kind of music would he play? Something melodious and dark, or playful and upbeat? He liked the image of Julian with a harp, eyes closed as his fingers drew across the strings.  Or a violin, leaning into the music as elegant fingers poised perfectly on the strings and bow.

"A-Asra," Julian moaned.

Were dexterous hands useful in the medical profession?  He hadn't ever had the pleasure of watching Julian with a patient, but if the way he applied himself to his research was any indication---

"Eyes on mine, Ilya," Asra said when he felt Julian's grip tighten.  His mind had been wandering; it usually did. He'd feel guilty about his dissociation later.  (Maybe.) He twisted one hand tightly into auburn and  _ pulled _ , exposing Julian's neck where there was still a small bruise from the previous night; but Julian was still keeping his eyes obediently locked to Asra's.  It sent lightning through Asra's veins; looking Julian in the eye during these moments was as dangerous a game as any. If Julian still maintained any awareness beyond the physical, he could have seen  _ everything _ in Asra's eyes; the doubt, the affection, the questions, the desire.  Even the things that Asra was actively trying to hide from himself, right there for Julian to see.

A dangerous game, but one he'd never stop playing for the sheer pleasure he got from winning.  "Beg," he said.

"Oh, Asra, oh fuck--- please  _ please _ , let me, please I want to--- I need to, to c-come inside you, p-please,  _ Asra _ \---"

Would he ever get tired of hearing Julian's voice catch breathless in his throat?  Hearing his name like it was a lifeline to the owner of the tongue that was begging for salvation?  "Say my name again," he demanded.

Julian gave a shuddering gasp and his fingers dug into Asra's legs.  " _ A-Asra _ ," he moaned, and his eyes fluttered closed as he let himself go.  Nope, Asra was sure he would never tire of hearing that.

As he started to come down, and Asra untangled his hands from his hair, Julian leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the magician's collarbone, sliding his hands up his back.  "You feel so good," Julian slurred, his lips trailing up to Asra's neck. "The way you move, Asra, it's just so, so  _ amazing _ ."

Asra half-wished he had been paying attention to what he had been doing.  He smiled down at Julian. "How else am I supposed to keep you coming back, Ilya?"

Julian chuckled into his neck before pressing his lips to Asra's skin.  "Just keep doing that, and you couldn't keep me away."

"Mm.  Deal."  Asra pressed a kiss to the doctor's sweaty temple, brushing hair off of his forehead.

He felt Julian hum into his jaw before kisses were trailed up to his cheek.  "You didn't come," Julian observed. "Can I help fix that?"

"Thought you'd never ask."  Asra tilted his head back, but gently this time, with hands on either side of his face.  "Let me clean up a little first, though." He leaned down to meet Julian's expectant lips.  The kiss was soft; Julian's fingertips slid down Asra's back as he hummed a little, and Asra let his thumbs caress his cheeks.

Then he was pulling back and lifting himself off of Julian, who winced a little, but played it off with some jokey remark that Asra allowed himself to smile at.  He found a towel and cleaned himself up before offering it to Julian, who did the same.

These little in between moments as they transitioned from one state to another were always interesting to Asra.  If Julian was the first to come, then his demeanor became so much more relaxed, and he almost became more confident.  Maybe it was a level of exhaustion? Maybe satisfaction? Whatever it was, Asra didn't mind it; but he'd be lying if he said he didn't prefer the Julian who was still overly anxious to please.  That Julian appeared when Asra himself came first, and that Julian would do damn near anything to bargain his way to his own release. Which Asra often enjoyed delaying, sometimes to the point of pain.  No matter how much Julian loved it, though, they still had had to establish a safe word by their third …"date". Yet Julian had never used it. What a glutton for punishment, Asra thought affectionately, climbing back onto the bed.

"Down there," he directed, settling back against the pillows.  "Between my legs. No, like--- yeah, like that." He put one of his legs on Julian's shoulder as Julian laid on his stomach between his legs.  He himself was sitting up against his pillows; he had considered laying down, but it would have been more difficult to reach Julian's hair. What a shame that would have been.

Julian let his fingers glide down Asra's length, and for a moment Asra was forced to wonder if Julian was actually trying to tease him.  But the touch was the same one as musician's fingers leaving humming traces of adoration over his skin. Julian wasn't trying to tease, he was just admiring.  This was confirmed a moment later when the doctor's other hand lighted gently on Asra's hip.

"So beautiful," Julian was murmuring, almost to himself.  "How did I get so lucky?"

"Oh, I'm sure you'll get what's coming to you," Asra said lightly.  "Are you going to stare all night?"

"Can I?" he asked with a smirk, glancing up at the magician.

Mmm okay, Asra liked that.  For a few reasons. He propped his arm up on the pillows and let his head fall into his hand.  "By all means, then, Ilya," he said with a smile. First, the fact that Julian had the clarity of mind to taunt was definitely charming.  But second, and more importantly, the first time Julian had ever asked that question of him, the words had been so stuttered, so colored with desperation and sheer  _ want _ that Asra could still see the doctor on his knees that first night, so unsure of what was being offered to him.

He combed his free hand through Julian's hair, pushing it off of his forehead.  Julian pressed a kiss to Asra's inner thigh, then to the jut of his hip bone, then to the soft skin of his lower abdomen.  His lips lingered just above Asra's length, warm breath spilling over sensitive flesh. "Everything about you is beautiful," Julian murmured.

"I should get you a thesaurus," Asra commented, his fingers tracing down the side of Julian's face.  "I'm sure you can do better than that." He tilted Julian's head up to look at him.

Julian smirked slightly.  "Exquisite," he said. One of his hands danced down Asra's stomach.  "Amazing. Wonderful. Gorgeous." Fingers curled around his cock. "Lovely.  Stunning." A soft, slow stroke. "Alluring. Heavenly." A thoughtful pause, and his smirk widened.  "Pulchritudinous."

Asra laughed, reaching back up to ruffle Julian's hair.  " _ Pulchritudinous _ ?" he repeated in amazement.  "I take it back; maybe you don't need a thesaurus."

"I've got more," he offered.  The stroking sped up just so.

"I'm sure you do," Asra agreed with a smile.  He brushed a stray curl from Julian's temple. "But I can think of other things I'd like your tongue to be doing right now."

"Is that right," Julian mused.  He lowered his head and pressed a kiss to Asra's tip.  "Like what?"

"Like reciting the Prakan national anthem, Ilya," he said with playful sarcasm.

"Mm well, I'm afraid I don't know that one."

"Oh dear, then however shall we keep that mouth of yours properly entertained?"

Julian snorted with laughter, sliding his hand down to the base of Asra's length.  "By the gods, Asra, you are amazing."

"Pulchritudinous," Asra corrected, unable to stop himself from giggling.

"Ah, my mistake, my  _ pulchritudinous _ magician, my mistake."

And as Julian let his lips fall around Asra's tip properly, still clearly grinning and glancing up at him, as Asra swept hair that had resettled on his forehead away again so he could see Julian's eyes unimpeded, as Asra registered that he was still smiling from the ridiculous and  _ dumb _ joke between them---

Asra realized it too.

He had spent months brushing particular emotions under the rug; when they resurfaced, another couple months to hide them more securely; and when that didn't work, a month of denial that the emotions ever existed in the first place, even as they regained their initial homes in his mind and heart; then two weeks of silence to make him doubt the emotions were ever real to begin with; and then---

And then recognizing the emotions in Julian last night because they were the exact same ones that Asra had been battling with for months.

He...

Asra was in love with Julian.

  
  
  


When the weight of the realization began to lift from his mind, Asra was brought back to the present with a particularly impassioned movement on his cock.  Both of his hands were curled in Julian's hair, and he had leaned forward as his legs tensed. "Ilya," he murmured, his voice heavy. "Don't stop."

Julian hummed, wrapping his arms under Asra's legs and behind his back, pulling closer.  Asra's heels were on the small of his back, toes curling, and he held Julian's head to his lap as he reached his breaking point, eyes closed, mired thoughts swirling through his mind, indistinguishable and confused.  He was vaguely aware of Julian coughing, vaguely aware of fingers digging into his lower back, vaguely aware of his own fingers gripping auburn tightly enough to be begging for a lifeline from drowning in fresh waves of… of pleasure, of doubt, of...

Of  _ love _ .

"Ilya," he hummed, forcing his hands to relax, to allow Julian to pull back.  The doctor coughed a little, but was smiling.

The smile faltered when he looked into Asra's face.  "Asra? Are you all right?"

No, no, no, this wasn't  _ love _ .  This couldn't be.  This was… affectionate lust.  Lustful affection? "I'm fine," Asra said, fighting to arrange his face into an appropriate expression.  A soft smile, but averted eyes. "You really know how to tire me out, don't you?"

Julian reached up and laid a hand on his cheek.  "You're sure you're all right? You looked… upset."

Damn.   _ Damn. _  He wasn't going to have this conversation.  Not now. Not  _ ever _ , if he could manage it.  "How could I possibly be upset with you, Ilya," he said, taking Julian's face in both of his hands.  "Certainly not with a mouth like that."

The tease, the joke, was enough to distract from his mistake.  Julian chuckled and leaned up as Asra leaned down to kiss him. Asra tugged him slightly; "Come up here," he said.

Julian shifted, lifting himself to crawl towards Asra, who laid back against the pillows, and settled in, half on top of the magician, wrapping his arms around him.  As ever, Asra was warm, and Julian hummed and closed his eyes as he nuzzled into Asra's neck.

Asra pressed a kiss to the top of Julian's head, one of his hands on his back, the other lightly stroking the arm across his chest.  His mind was still buzzing with his newfound revelation.

Love.  Is that what this was?  But it was all so… casual.  No commitments. No expectations.  They had discussed this, many months ago.  No strings. No exclusivity. Just friends having some fun outside of work.

Friends.  That was another tricky word.  Nadia was his friend. Muriel was his friend.  But Julian…

Julian was something else.

He had gone weeks without seeing Nadia before.  Days would pass without a word from Muriel. And yet, earlier that very evening, he had been  _ hoping _ Julian would come back, though he had just seen him that morning.  So… that was love?

He wasn't entirely sure that he liked it.  It made his chest tight and his thoughts fuzzy.  The cards he had read earlier came back to him.

Ace of cups, reversed; afraid to open up, to share emotions.  Lovers, reversed; wanting more than a physical relationship. He had been thinking of Julian when he drew the ace, and Julian had been looking at him when he drew the Lovers.  Maybe he had been wrong in assuming who the cards were reflecting.

"Asra," Julian murmured, his voice coming from a long way away.  "Am I… staying the night again?"

Asra glanced down to see Julian looking up at him from his chest.  "Would you like to?"

"It's your bed," he said in lieu of an answer.  "If you don't want to share it two nights in a row…"

Asra smiled a little and ruffled Julian's hair.  "Don't be ridiculous, Ilya. How heartless would I be to toss you out into the night after such a performance?"

Julian smiled back.  "You've done it before."

"That was before you managed to find my new favorite adjective," he teased.

Julian lifted his head and rested his chin on Asra's chest, smiling.  "Pulchritudinous? Really?"

"Such a ridiculously complex word for such a simple idea," Asra mused.  "Perfect for you. Would you like to stay, Ilya?"

"I would," Julian said.  A straightforward answer.  Things were changing between them.

"Let me check on Faust before we turn in, then," Asra said, trying to wriggle out of Julian's arms.  Julian just hugged him tighter, which made Asra laugh. " _ Ilya _ , I'll be right back, let go."

“Mmmmm fine,” Julian hummed into his neck.  “Don’t be too long.” And he finally released Asra.

The magician stood with another chuckle, running a hand through his hair.  He found his pants and tugged them on. As he left the room, he couldn’t help but glance back at Julian.  The doctor was spread out over the bed, limbs tangled in the blanket, but still making it very clear where he should like Asra to rejoin him.  Asra didn’t bother to hide his smile as he went downstairs.

Maybe this wasn't the kind of love he had been expecting to find, but…

If this  _ was _ love, maybe it wasn't so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone else was wondering the same thing… I had a friend ask me about the timeline here, since canonically Asrian doesn't happen until after the apprentice dies (right? I suck at paying attention to timelines, I just trust what others say) but that isn't what's happening here obvs. Call it headcanon, canon divergence, creative license, or whatever, but let's go with it. Since we never got a substantial canon reason for why these two broke up, I came up with my own.  
> So… countdown to angst, huh? ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
> 
> Next update should be on time, barring any other disasters. Thank you for your support <3

**Author's Note:**

> Notes on updating:  
> I'm going to be (hopefully) updating every two weeks over the summer.  
> I was initially trying to update every week, but over the summer, I'm taking two classes that are highly condensed, so I will need more time to focus. Also my social life is crap, and I need to work on that (apparently).  
> I don't have as big of a buffer as I'd like to have of new chapters, so extra time between updates will help give me more time to build that up also, which means more consistent updating, which I'm sure we all enjoy.


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